(Newswire.net — February 26, 2018) — We’ve all heard the phrase “stay together for the kids,” and when you consider the many ways divorce negatively impacts children, sticking it out can seem like a good idea. But do the benefits of staying together outweigh the risks? When you consider the amount of emotional stress and conflict you children may experience if you stay in a bad marriage, the fact is that staying together may be just as harmful to their well-being.
The Dangers Of Divorce
Parents and psychologists alike are well aware of how divorce impacts children today. Children of divorced parents are more likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, or anger, experience problems in school, and may blame themselves for the dissolution of their parents’ marriage.
Children whose parents divorce are also more likely to suffer long-term relationship problems of their own. This can manifest itself in their childhood friendships, as well as in their own marriages. Girls whose parents have divorced have a 60% higher rate of divorce than average, while boys have a 35% higher rate in adulthood.
As parents, we want to protect our children from these difficulties and negative emotions, and if staying together will prevent these psychological harms, why would we go through with it?
So Should You Stay Together?
It does seem more people are staying together than in the past – divorce rates are at a 40 year low – but despite the dangers associated with divorce, experts don’t agree that staying together is actually beneficial. In fact, many believe that cooperating to find amicable terms in a divorce can be much better for children than staying together in an unhappy marriage.
Working with a skilled lawyer to develop a customized custody arrangement can help children maintain a healthy relationship with both parents without experiencing significant social or educational disruption. Proper psychological support can also help. Overall, children who receive proper support during a divorce fare much better than those who live with parents in an unhappy marriage for years.
Kids Lose When You Stay Together
When you stay together for the kids, you deprive them of something absolutely vital – happiness. They deserve happy parents and you deserve to be happy. And what’s more, you teach your children that marriage is about being unhappy. They learn that marriage is about division, anger, and fear. Remember: kids learn how to be in relationship with others through the relationships that are modeled for them. If you stay in an unhappy marriage, they might stay in an abusive one. They won’t know when or how to protect their own well-being.
Sometimes divorce is inevitable and it’s better for children to have parents who are happily divorced than parents who are unhappily married. If you can make that transition from marriage to co-parenting, your child may experience a few bumps, but ultimately they’re as likely to be well-adjusted as the children of parents who remained married. And they’ll learn an important lesson about cooperation and commitment in the process.
Co-parenting is as much a show of commitment as marriage, perhaps even more of one, and divorce can be better for children than marriage. It’s okay if your marriage doesn’t work out if you can make divorce work for your children.