(Newswire.net — March 24, 2019) Ogden,UT — Opioid addiction is getting national attention, rightfully so. It ravages the lives of so many Americans, their families, our communities. But there are more addictions plaguing Americans than simply opioids, and often these addictions rise from the same root cause: avoidance. Every direction you look, Americans are overwhelmed, overcommitted, and running on fumes. It’s no wonder that stress and lifestyle related illnesses are the most common health concern for Americans. We even wear badges of honor based upon how busy we are, a proof of our importance and worth as human beings. How does one find the time to make healthy lifestyle choices when there’s no time between Billy’s soccer practice, Janie’s gymnastics, the PTA meeting, and the time-sensitive report that was thrust upon your desk at the end of the work day?
When we don’t know what we want and what we value in life we seek the approval of others. We accept other people’s plans and expectations of us. We allow others and ourselves to should all over ourselves…” You should do that…” or “I shouldn’t want this…” and “I should have…”
You see, the problem is that the first drug, the most addictive drug, is saying yes. Especially saying yes to all the wrong things. The things that feel like obligation rather than purposeful or exciting. The things that do not serve us. That do not align with what we truly want or need in life. “I’ll just say yes this one time” we think. Much like the addict thought they would try opioids once. It easily becomes a slippery slope. Yes, is the gateway drug to people pleasing. To avoidance. To giving up on our own wants and needs. To the glorification of busy. To overextending yourself. To finding yourself wanting to hide in your closet with a bottle of wine.
When we keep ourselves in a constant state of busy, we don’t have the time to truly check in with ourselves, to get to know our genuine wants and needs. We believe that slowing down and honoring ourselves is indulgent, selfish even. This is a tragic lie that keeps people from feeling good and showing up as their best self in life. From acting with integrity to our authentic desires. Scared to be alone with ourselves for fear of what we might find, we keep saying yes. Wanting to avoid confrontation and rejection, we keep saying yes. Feeling totally lost and disconnected from ourselves, we keep saying yes.
We often are aware enough to know that there’s a problem – but you can’t quite put your finger on it, because you don’t really know what you want, you just know that you need something different than where you’re currently at. Failure to know what you want in life leads to becoming addicted toyes. And the addiction spirals to the point that we don’t even realize that we have the ability to say no. The inability to say no to the wrong things creates the space for stress and overwhelm.
There’s a toxic belief that stress and overwhelm happen to us, that we are not the one creating it in our life. The things that typically stress us out are just circumstances. They are neutral until we have a thought about them, until we assign meaning, especially stress-inducing stories about our experiences. The truth in the matter is that it’s just a difference in perception. You can have two individuals share the same experience but have completely different reactions. Where one may become completely overwhelmed, the other may remain unphased. Their emotional reactions are created by the thought they had about the experience. “Can you believe this happened to us, it was so awful and abusive” creates a much different feeling than “It was really no big deal, it was just a passing experience.”
The quickest way to change your experience of stress and overwhelm is to realize that you have a choice.You are not your thoughts. They are simply sentences in your mind and you can decide whether you want to engage in them, to believe them, to accept them as truth. The goal is to become the observer of your thoughts. To check in with yourself: “does this thought cause me stress? Overwhelm?”Just like opioids, the thrill of the high from saying yes is short-lived, the damage far lasting.Chronic yeses lead to chronic stress, which leads to chronic, lifestyle related illness.
The most powerful thing you can do – for yourself, for future you, for your health – is to get clear on what you truly want in life. Clear on what you value. Clear on what you want to feel. From that clarity it becomes easy and obvious how to say no. With practice, no becomes the new “yes to self.” To saying yes to the things that truly matter to creating a purposeful and passionate life. A life without self-imposed limits. Take a minute to slow down. Realign with your purpose, those things that are most vital and important to you, your goals, and your vision for the future.Then, recalibrate your “yes machine.” Start allowing yourself to say no to those things that do not help you get closer to your purpose, happiness, or your vision for the future.It might be hard at first, but in the long run all those “No’s” will help you feel like you have time, energy and excitement in your life. Plus, people who see you say no to live a better life will feel inspired to do the same.
And the world needs more people living in honor of their passion, purpose and goals and fewer people who are stressed, exhausted, cranky and running on empty!