(Newswire.net — August 30, 2021) — Listening is the most used form of communication by us. In fact, it has been said that we spend more than 40% of our time listening. Listening allows us to digest new information and understand the world from the speaker’s perspective says, Andrew Lloyd Beaver PA.
But oftentimes in any conversation you may have noticed how quickly it turns into an argument because one party feels like they are not being heard, this can turn those simple small talks into a battle for one’s dignity and may lead nowhere.
We all have ears, but most of us are terrible listeners when it comes to listening effectively.
But “Active listening,” says Andrew Lloyd Beaver PAis something we all are familiar with so let’s get a quick definition and move on.
Active listening means when you are paying attention to the other person not just because you want to reply as soon as they stop talking or interrupt them in between, but because you want to analyze the facts that are coming from their mouth and continue the conversation that is mutually beneficial.
With that out of the way, one thing that needs to be talked more about is “Listening to responding”.
We often listen to others to wait and get a chance to say what’s on our mind as soon as we can, but doing that may make the speaker aware that we are not valuing their words and opinions.
And this approach easily gets backfired and can turn pleasant interaction into intense arguments.
But small things like acknowledging what they just said and summarizing it while opening your mouth can help you create a mutual understating and take the control back into your hands.
So before we jump in on how to do that, here are few reasons why you should consider doing this:
Being heard:
This applies to both parties, the speaker and listener both have the right to express their emotions but the approach cannot be changed to “speaker and speaker” when one is talking the other one has to listen.
Imagine you are talking about something serious to your coworker, let’s say you are telling them about how one of your loved ones died, now if that coworker interrupts you and starts saying “This reminds me about….”, how would you feel?
Being heard from time to time is what keeps our relationships healthy and long-lasting.
Responding:
We talked in the intro about how some people are listening to respond as soon as they can, but when it comes to actually paying attention when someone is talking, you (assuming you are a listener) have an advantage.
By listening actively and giving yourself time to digest those facts, you get to craft a better response for when it is your turn to speak.
This is useful when you are in between a “crucial conversation” which usually happens when you are asking for a raise, giving feedback, or having any other hard conversations which require both sides to be serious.
Relationship:
Listening to someone calmly and suppressing your judgment for later can help you strengthen your relationships with the speaker.
How? When we are talking about something we love or literally anything else we subconsciously expect another human being to understand that and sometimes even relate to it, so by listening to someone you are giving them one more reason to hang out more with you.
Now the importance of being a listener is known, here are few things to try to be a better listener:
1. Acknowledge the emotions:
Understand the intensity, tone, and emotion attached to a conversation, many conversations are easily sidetracked by including the wrong responses or unsuitable examples.
When someone is talking to you, have empathy and understand their body language, nervousness, or shyness attached to the topic.
If someone is talking about the fact they got fired from their job today, don’t simply throw sentences like “Look on the bright side, this is the best thing that happened to you, have you seen that guy who built a business after they lost their job?”.
Not every time people talk to get feedback or some solutions about the topic, they simply speak because they might trust you enough to expect you to hear them, this helps them feel lighter and balanced.
Although it is important to keep the speaker positive when they are going through hard times, don’t rush them into solutions just yet.
2. Keep it a secret:
To be a better listener you need to be able to listen and to do that you need to invite more conversations to you.
One of the best ways to open yourself up to more conversations with people you love or are your coworkers is your ability to keep a secret.
No matter how compelling it would be to say those things to other people but keeping something confidential shows that you can be trusted and talked to.
Keeping a confidential conversation secret can make you more trustworthy for them and other people you talk to, know this the next time you hear an office gossip.
A lot of people are vulnerable when they are being completely honest with you about somebody or some intense things that are going on in their life and therefore breaking their trust may not instantly make them ”unfriend” you but can make them not rely on you again.
3. Try changing your body language:
We all have heard how much our body says when participating in a conversation and therefore keeping friendly and positive body language can allow the speaker to open up and feel more comfortable talking with you.
Avoid things like checking your emails, checking your phone, or doing something else that conveys the message that you are only hearing not listening.
Instead try smiling at times, lean forward when you are curious, and ask questions (more on that later), show empathy, etc.
Remember your actions are louder than words, you can be interested in a conversation but if you are constantly looking distracted it may make speakers less likely to open themselves up to you.
4. Participate in the conversation:
One of the best ways you can show interest in any conversation is by asking them questions related to what they are talking about.
This is also helpful in boring conversations to keep you attentive and focused, as our mind loves to get answers.
Asking relevant questions can help you effectively participate in the conversation without interrupting them.
For example, if they are telling you a story about their recent travel destination instead of just saying “That’s great!” you can try asking “So how long have you been waiting to go there?”.
This can make them feel heard and judge you as a good listener.
5. Know how to maintain eye contact:
A very basic piece of advice that is often practiced wrong is maintaining “eye contact” when you are listening to someone.
But what is wrong with this?
When asked to maintain “eye contact” it is common that you are likely to focus on doing that instead of listening to the conversation which is obviously distracting and everything against what we are talking about.
Not to mention some people who are new to this stare at people which can make the speaker more uncomfortable.
What could be done?
Try to maintain natural eye contact. There is absolutely no pressure to gaze in someone’s eyes for hours, it is completely fine to look somewhere else from time to time between a long conversation.
And maintain eye contact with a soft gaze instead of an intense staredown.
That being said, eye contact can give the speaker signals that they are being heard so they can be more open to you.
Not all conversations are the same:
As mentioned each conversation has a different tone, emotion, and perspective about the things in our daily life,
This can be based on the problems they face or when they simply feel like talking about something, and therefore judging people quickly as soon as they open their mouths is bad.
People often speak to get your feedback but a lot of times they just need someone to hear them out and take something off their chest, and therefore having empathy can help you understand them and be a better listener.
Try these tactics in your daily conversations and let us know how it went.
Thank you for reading! Follow Andrew Lloyd Beaver PA on Quora.