Rick Perry, is a busy guy, when he is not running for President, or executing a mentally retarded inmate on death row, he sits back and enjoys one of his favorite beverages “Christian Lite”. Christian Lite is the beverages we all love to drink down here in Texas. At only 96 Hail Mary’s it’s the beverage that allows you to digest more guilt with less sin.
When you have a petition from a death row inmate pleading for clemency after the court refuses to grant him a DNA test to prove his innocence, and you have to get out to that next Presidential fund raiser. I just crack open a cold can of Christian Lite, and deny all paperwork on my desk.
Then I crack open a few more Christian Lites, before that fund raiser to put all guilt behind me, and like magic my oration skills improve.
Spokesperson for Christian Lite stated we started as a small beverage company here in Texas about 15 years ago. Originally we marketed a product called “Christian Genuine Guilt”, when we saw a market for marketing a beverage that allowed people to hide their guilt via complete ignorance of Christian Scripture. But after several focus groups we realized people wanted to hide their guilt, without having that bloated heavy feeling of sin.
At only 96 Hail Mary’s, Christian Lite, allows you more guilt without that bloated feeling of sin. Do you think it is a coincidence that since the introduction of Christian Lite, Rick Perry has executed more people as Governor of Texas than anyone else in United States history? How else do you think he can completely be ignorant to the 5th commandment which is “Thou shall not kill” as detailed in both Exodus 20:1-17 and Deuteronomy 5:4-21.
So next time you feel guilty and need a quick fix, just crack open a cold can of Christian Lite, and wash all that guilt down.