Why Men Pull Away: Why Women Unintentionally Make it Worse

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(Newswire.net  – July 14, 2013) Los Angeles, CA – A new survey of dating success reveals that approximately 72% of first dates don’t result in a second date. The survey, by dating and relationship expert, Jonathon Aslay, went on to reveal that 81% of couples surveyed found the second date merely confirmed a strange twist as to why men pull away.

But what if the signals received showed otherwise? Why do men pull away after the third, fourth or fifth date? Why do men pull away after 3 or 6 months of dating? The answer isn’t as complex as you might suspect.

Aslay has been a researcher, consultant and media expert on this topic for more than a decade. “Boys are taught to keep their emotions in for fear of being ridiculed as kids. If we ever showed emotions on the playground, we would be laughed at, teased, made fun of or picked on. Then, our fathers reinforced our machismo and told us, “not to be a cry baby.” What does it do to our patterns of social behavior when our greatest male role model told us it’s bad form to show our emotions?” he said.

In his program, “3 Heartbreaking Mistakes Women Make” Aslay reveals why men pull away and how couples typically ‘dance’ with each other’s communication styles. When a man pulls away emotionally and physically, many women charge in, offering to help. The more she prys, the more he clams up. The spiral down is all too common.

“There’s a big difference between showing our emotions and displaying fear. Men have all kinds of fears, which they keep tightly locked inside. Sometimes, a man may not even know the difference between acknowledging his fears and how it is expressed emotionally,” stated Aslay.

Quite often, the minute men feel fear, they bolt. It might be for a minute, a day, or a week…but in these moments, the need for space surfaces just as quickly as when he pulled away.

What should women do during this time? “Nothing,” quipped Aslay. “Women are emotional connectors and when a gap appears, their fear fills the void. Men, on the other hand, use this void to gain strength. Many women misinterpret these signals and add to the discourse. The best solution, strangely enough, is to leave him alone or even encourage his alone time.”

It might be counter intuitive to a woman, but experience has shown his need for space will do more to build the relationship than trying to force an immediate reconnection.

Aslay works directly with women who seek extra insight into understanding the male mind and creating a loving relationship. His consulting programs have been featured on ABC, CBS, eHarmony, YourTango, and dozens of local and nationally syndicated radio shows.

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