Rick Perry Looses to Captain Crunch in Iowa Breakfast Debate

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After another poor debate showing, Rick Perry has conceded that Captain Crunch has gotten the best of him.  “He really got me on foreign policy, and for the record he is the only breakfast cereal I know that has a military background, further you know he is a Captain, so he really knows how to steer things” stated Perry at his post debate press conference.

Perry’s camp is speechless, knowing that their candidate can’t beat a breakfast cereal in a debate. “How can anyone take him serious when it comes to important matters requiring cognitive thought” stated an anonymous staffer.

 “You  would figure this guy would have a earned a master degree by now,  being under the wing of one of the greatest debaters  our country has ever seen, in fact with all that experience he should be a master debater by now” stated Captain Crunch.

Captain Crunch delivered the winning blow in the debate when the question was asked “Can you be a Christian and Simultaneously Support the Death Penalty?  Rick Perry took the lead and espoused that not only does he have a strong Christian belief but was also proud that in June of 2002 as Governor of Texas, he personally vetoed a ban on the execution of mentally retarded inmates.

Captain Crunch took off right after Perry flip flopped on not giving an answer.  He stated “let me answer the question while Governor Perry gets the marbles out of his mouth (then as a gentlemen handed him a handkerchief) You cannot be a Christian and Support the Death Penalty!, it’s clear as day let me explain 83.9% of crimes which Texas handed the death penalty are classified by the Department of Justice as crimes of passion.  Meaning that the crime happened within a window were mental capacity and motive could be called into question.  Texas’s answer to this is to place a murderer on “Death Row” on average for 14 years before they are executed, thus removing any defense Texas and its citizens will ever have as to motive, what a wonderful gift to leave your legacy.

Captain Crunch’s final summation put a fork in Perry (no pun intended) when he said “As a Christian myself I read the Bible and have even hired researchers on this point, no where can we find an asterisk or reinterpretation to the 10 commandments  as detailed in  Exodus 20:1-17  or Deuteronomy 5:4-21.  Both state for the record at 5 “Thou shall not kill”. 

Although Captain Crunch is precluded  from running for President of the United States, it is safe to say who ever wins the White House in November, would be a fool not to have him in their White House Breakfast Cabinet.