Are You Born With it – Is It Even True?

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( — January 16, 2014) Johannesburg, Gauteng — 

When I ask people to describe their ideal self the answers vary; however most of them will use words like “inspiring”, “powerful”, “confident”, “has presence”, “balanced”. All of these words describe what we call Personal Impact Power.

Most individuals are able to describe how successful people look as well as behave and it all seems to boil down to Personal Impact power; a phenomenon that has often been described as “charisma” or “je ne sasi qua”. Many people will say “you have it or you don’t, people are born with it”… but is this true?


We have often heard the statement “Great leaders are made not born” and this is exactly the same for people that we perceive as charismatic. With charisma comes a very authentic relationship with the self; in essence confidence is the main ingredient and with that we need self awareness and a good self regard.


This is often easier said than done because self esteem stems from our childhood, Alvin Price once said “Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry”.


From a young age we develop a way we see ourselves and this helps us navigate through every situation and relationship. Our internal dialogue is a vital component when it comes to our self regard. Often what we say to ourselves hurts more than what others say about us. In order to love ourselves, with that comes being by yourself and learning to like your own company.


We need to take a look at ourselves from a more realistic point of view. We are our own worst critics therefore we need to focus on the positive self talk. Think about this; if your best friend spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still be friends? If your husband or wife spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still be married to them? 


Then why do you talk to yourself that way?


If it isn’t ok for others to speak to you in a negative manner and put you down, then why do you do it to yourself?


Essentially overall confidence and wellness starts with feeling good and once we boost our confidence with positive affirmations; we are able to see ourselves differently and move towards the ideal version of ourselves that we have in mind. When we talk about well being, we need to focus not only on our self regard and emotional well being, we need to focus on our physical well being as well.


When people describe their “ideal self” they often list physical attributes and will combine their statements with the word “balanced”. Like most things in life balance is a choice. Many people will argue that energy is required to juggle between those choices and although the mind is ready often their bodies simply won’t come to the party.


The mind-body connection is something that is far from new-age, how do we ensure that everything is working in harmony? How do we find the energy and will-power to move and get going? The answer is simple; physical well being enhances emotional well being and by that I am referring to exercise and eating well.


Again, it is all about feeling good about yourself first. Studies have shown that there is a large correlation between exercise and stress relief as well as eating correctly to enhance mental vitality. Many people in the health and wellness industries from doctors to personal trainers will tell you that junk food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety remedy in the world while exercise and clean eating habits are the most potent and underutilized form of antidepressants.


We see so many of our clients struggling with not only low self regard, but pressing health related issues such as stress, anxiety and difficulty in losing weight. The interesting thing about wellness it that it starts with the right eating habits. 70 percent of wellbeing is based on nutrition and only 30 percent is based on exercise or simply moving more. Thomas Edison once boldly said “The doctor of the future will give no medicine but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease”.  It is vital to understand that inner wellness is all about what we put in, from our thoughts to the food we eat; what you put in is what you get out.


Once we have established a sense of inner wellness, we can then focus on “looking good”, which in my opinion is the easiest. If we take a look at our image as a whole, we base much of that on personality. The way we dress and the colours we choose are simply an external representation of who we are. Even down to the accessories we wear, our physical image tells people a lot about who we are and what we do on a day to day basis.


We have also identified that there is a metaphysical element to clothing; often we dress how we are feeling or we can use dress to help us feel better. In image consulting, we always refer to aligning your personality to your style in dress as well as using colour to your advantage.


We have the ability to fine tune our image and create a sense of charisma. The only thing we need to bear in mind is that with every resolution you make this year to move towards the “new you”, there needs to be an inside-out approach.  There is no point in focusing only on looking good; you need to feel good as well. Remember that our thoughts become our behavior and our behavior becomes our destiny.


“Stop being who you were and start being who you are” Paulo Coelho. 

IE Group

159 Oak Avenue, Randburg
Johannesburg, Gauteng 2160

27 11 781 1444